Curious Boy

To paraphrase H.A. & Margret Rey, “This is the boy. He is a good little monster, and always very curious”. He's at that age, where everything, and I mean everything, needs an explanation. “Why? Where? Who? How come? What?” come out of his mouth constantly. And did I mention Why?

I know that it's how he processes the world around him, and he needs answers to make sense of everything. So most of the time I try and give him serious answers to the questions. Sometimes when we're all in a silly mood, we get silly answers, like “zed” when we're asked “why”, which then leads into singing the alphabet. Sadly though, that doesn't stop the question, so we have to answer it at some point. It's nice in one way that he still believes that we have all the answers.

It's funny to me that he also likes to question choices we make. If we're playing restaurant or office (or any one of his hundreds of other make-believe games), and he gives you an option, when you give your reply, he then asks why you chose that one! Not only does he question choices, he also questions actions “Mummy, why did you put your left clicker on?” when I'm driving. Or “Mummy, why did that lady get up and leave” when we're at Kindergym.

This means I spend a lot of my day answering questions. Sometimes, I admit to making answers up, especially if he's asking about other people or their motives. Other times, I have to bite my tongue not to reply 'because', even if the questions have been going on and on and on. So now, I've decided he gets real answers. If the question stream starts going on for ever (and any other parents of toddlers know exactly what I mean) he now gets serious answers.

So when he asked the other day why I referred to hubby and his brother as “daddies” not “daddy” he got a lesson in plurals. Gravity, and an explanation about physics was called for when we were talking about things falling from the sky. When he asked why he had to wear his seat belt, after a few other tries, I told him it was mandatory, and then explained what mandatory meant.

This approach seems to be working at the moment. The more 'grown up' answers give him pause for thought and seem to satisfy him. So even if he doesn't completely understand the answer he knows we're not fobbing an easy answer off on him, and that seems to help the questions stop. And it means that I get to feel like I'm having a adult conversation (even if it's for just a few minutes),which is always a nice thing. There is a downside to this though, I think that as the boy gets older I'm going to have to start doing research as his questions get harder and harder! For now I'll just enjoy being seen as the source of all knowledge. Until I can't answer something.

Bullying and the Boy

There was an interesting show on Dateline tonight about bullying and teens and encouraging kids not to stay silent about it if it's happening to them or to other kids. It was heartbreaking to see how upset some of the kids were as they related the stories of being bullied themselves, and how many 'bystander' kids did nothing and allowed it to happen. There was one girl who spoke up so courageously against the bullies and was trying to defend the bullied. It was amazing to see this young teenager so strong and so poised in such a tough situation.

It made me start to think about how I'm going to teach any of this to the boy. He's young still, not quite three, and home with me, so he doesn't currently face a lot of opportunities to bully or be bullied. But even now he does face some kids who aren't nice to him, who push him at the water table, or eat his snack. When does that become bullying? And how do we teach him to stand up to it when he sees it?

We try and teach our kids manners, to say 'please' and 'thank you', to be respectful to adults, and kind to others. In his book, The Wee Free Men, Terry Pratchett (one of my favourite authors) says “Them as can do has to do for them as can't. And someone has to speak up for them as has no voices.” I really believe this, and I think this is so important to teach our kids too. If we all spoke up for those who felt powerless, or unable to do so, then bullies would lose their power. This applies not just to school yard bullies, but toxic workplaces, bad relationships, and society as a whole.

So what do we do? None of us want to raise bullies, none of us think, “Oh when Johnny grows up, he's going to terrorize third graders everywhere,” but it does happen. We need our kids to know what we want for them and expect of them. We all want the girl shown on Dateline tonight who stood up to the bullies. We need to make sure that our children will be the ones who “speak up for them as has no voices.” And first thing tomorrow morning the boy and I are going to be talking about it.

Green Space (Bloggers Give Back)

I just wanted to share something that my friend Lindsay over at Aubrey & Lindsay's Little House Blog is doing. She is looking to help George Herman House transform their backyard into a soothing and usable area. George Herman House provides supportive housing for women with mental and emotional health issues, and I can only imagine how helpful it would be having somewhere close to them that they can sit in and relax, reflect, and unwind.

We all need somewhere green & peaceful to go and unwind, whether that's your backyard, a cottage, a local park, or an urban forest. Think how much your kids love to run around outside and how good they feel afterwards. The boy especially, loves to be outside as much as he possibly can, and is so happy when he can just be left alone to potter around in the backyard. In fact in the summer he would spend all day outside, trying to get out the back door while he's still in his PJ's!

Now imagine you are dealing with the challenges of having mental or emotional issues, how much more valuable would that access to somewhere soothing and relaxing be? If you can help Lindsay in her project, or want more information, check out her blog post here.

So your kid is perfect huh?

Before I start this, I'd like to say that generally the boy is well behaved and listens when we are in public. We've taken him to art galleries, fancy restaurants, and more, and have often been told how nice he is and what good manners he has. But being a toddler, this can all go out the window in an instant.

We were out and about shopping today, and I knew the boy was starting to get tired, but he insisted he was fine to do one last store. Big mistake. I shouldn't have listened to him, I should have recognized the signs and just left. But it was so tempting to stay and finish up that one last errand (he needed a new spring rain coat). And so that's what we did, or at least attempted to do.

In the store his behaviour deteriorated until I was forced to give him a warning that if it continued we would leave and he wouldn't get his raincoat today. But to no avail, so this meant that I had to pick him up, crying and calling out 'Mummy, Mummy' and leave the store, pushing a stroller filled with all of our coats, hats, and bags.

The salesclerk at the store (a kids clothing store), had obviously seen it all before. When I remarked that we'd have to come back another day, she nodded sympathetically and said 'no problem', and told me the sale on the coats had just started so it would be on for a while.

When we got out into the mall it was a different story. The boy was still in tears and I was still carrying him – he was squirming too much for me to attempt to put him in the stroller – and pushing the stroller at the same time. I passed a number of other parents of young children and the number of dirty looks I got amazed me. As parents it would be nice if we wouldn't judge each other without being in possession of all the facts. I would actually hope that parents would see what I was doing and say, 'Hey, she's following through on disciplining her child, maybe when he grows up he'll understand consequences and think things through'. Instead I got looks of 'what an ill-behaved child, she must be a terrible mother”. It's always tempting to stop and address those parents, but very rarely do I have the balls to do such a thing.

Some of this might be in my own head, (I am often worried about what kind of job I'm doing as a Mum) but I did get some glares and stares as we made our way out through the mall. Oh well, maybe those same parents will be around the next time we actually buy the coat and they hear the boy chatting away happily, saying 'please' and 'thank you', and just generally being the wonderful little guy that he is.

Clothes make the man.

I love to shop, but I'm not a huge fan of shopping for myself. There are certain things that I would buy if (I mean when) we won the lottery books, boots, shoes, handbags, more books, but that's about it. But I love shopping for others. This means that the boy has lots of clothes.

When I first had the boy, I thought I wouldn't be able to find cool, fun, and funky clothes for little boys, there always seems to be such a surplus out there for girls. Happily I was proved wrong. It takes a little bit of hunting, but there are some great things out there for little guys. It also helps that the boy loves to wear everything and anything; shirt and tie? Check; cords and a sweater? Check; fedora? Check. I love his willingness, and dread the day he wants to live in grungy, dirty, slobby, clothes.

My biggest problem shopping for the boy is his size. He's fairly tall and skinny which means that pants are one of the hardest things in the world to buy at the moment. If I'm lucky I can find pants with drawstrings, or the little elastic things inside the waist (all you other mums know what I mean). If not, it means the boy is SOL.

Kids clothes also have the same problem that I find in womens clothing, sizes in one store don't fit the same way as in another store. A perfect example is his PJ's. We were getting him dressed for bed tonight, pulled a pair of PJ's out of the drawer, and they fit perfectly at his waist, but came down to just above his ankles! Then I checked the size, and no wonder, they are a size 12-18 months, and the boy will be 3 in a few months!

All that this means is that I have to be super picky when shopping, and either shop with the boy (not always a fun pastime), or make sure I can return things if they don't fit. And then that means I can shop some more. I'm going to enjoy it while I can, before I'm not allowed to either pick clothes out for the boy, or he only wants to live in the same gross outfit weeks on end. Hopefully that's not for a while though, right?